“Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.”
--Marianne Williamson
Okay, so another thing I've met with when it comes to this whole writing publicly thing is the fear of letting people see into my thoughts, and the fear that someone will read them and go, "Wow... lame." So there's a creative part of me that thrives on expressing those thoughts and sharing them with other people, and yet there's also the larger, very real part of me that is completely terrified of that same thing.
What if I say something that makes total sense to me, but it's nothing but a jumble of mishmash to someone else? What if I pose a question that sounds completely idiotic? Do I really want to expose and let people see that part of me? And... what if I say something that makes someone reject me as a person? Those are the kinds of doubts that inevitably rear their ugly heads when I write with the knowledge that what I'm writing will be seen by someone else.
So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that another purpose of this blog is to try to conquer that fear. I remember even having that fear when I was about eight years old, the time when I thought that I wanted to be a writer when I grew up. In my eight-year-old mind, when I thought about the kinds of books that I would someday write, I always had it figured out that I would use a pen name. After all, if you used a pen name, then you were totally protected from judgment. If people were going to judge harshly, I reasoned, at least they'd be judging a person who did not actually exist. None of it would fall directly on my shoulders. No one would know it was me. I could essentially bare my soul and remain safe and anonymous at the same time.
And now that I think about it, I think that it's pretty tough to be a good writer and also be "safe." Writing kind of comes with a certain rule -- that when you allow others to see your work, you open yourself up to criticism, both good and bad. Because doesn't it stand to reason that, if you are protected from people insulting you, you are also barred from truly enjoying success? I mean, what if J.K. Rowling -- or any other famous author, for that matter -- had used a pen name and no one knew who she actually was? No one would have been able to tell her directly, "I love your writing" or "Your books are so fantastic!" or anything like that. Because they wouldn't have known who she was.
A pen name is kind of like hiding. I think you can write good books and remain unknown -- I could name a few who have -- but I guess it sort of comes down to your intent. I don't want to be a professional writer anymore, but when I had that ambition, mine would have been to hide my identity to escape from people -- more so the people I knew personally -- realizing it was me and criticizing me based on my writing.
So I'm writing all of this now, and I'm just... me. (Granted, this isn't exactly a novel, but maybe that's a good thing.) And I guess all I'm hoping for is that eventually, with time, prayer, and a little work, the fear of failure and of judgment will be diminished.
"There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love."
--1 John 4:18 (The Message)
--Marianne Williamson
Okay, so another thing I've met with when it comes to this whole writing publicly thing is the fear of letting people see into my thoughts, and the fear that someone will read them and go, "Wow... lame." So there's a creative part of me that thrives on expressing those thoughts and sharing them with other people, and yet there's also the larger, very real part of me that is completely terrified of that same thing.
What if I say something that makes total sense to me, but it's nothing but a jumble of mishmash to someone else? What if I pose a question that sounds completely idiotic? Do I really want to expose and let people see that part of me? And... what if I say something that makes someone reject me as a person? Those are the kinds of doubts that inevitably rear their ugly heads when I write with the knowledge that what I'm writing will be seen by someone else.
So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that another purpose of this blog is to try to conquer that fear. I remember even having that fear when I was about eight years old, the time when I thought that I wanted to be a writer when I grew up. In my eight-year-old mind, when I thought about the kinds of books that I would someday write, I always had it figured out that I would use a pen name. After all, if you used a pen name, then you were totally protected from judgment. If people were going to judge harshly, I reasoned, at least they'd be judging a person who did not actually exist. None of it would fall directly on my shoulders. No one would know it was me. I could essentially bare my soul and remain safe and anonymous at the same time.
And now that I think about it, I think that it's pretty tough to be a good writer and also be "safe." Writing kind of comes with a certain rule -- that when you allow others to see your work, you open yourself up to criticism, both good and bad. Because doesn't it stand to reason that, if you are protected from people insulting you, you are also barred from truly enjoying success? I mean, what if J.K. Rowling -- or any other famous author, for that matter -- had used a pen name and no one knew who she actually was? No one would have been able to tell her directly, "I love your writing" or "Your books are so fantastic!" or anything like that. Because they wouldn't have known who she was.
A pen name is kind of like hiding. I think you can write good books and remain unknown -- I could name a few who have -- but I guess it sort of comes down to your intent. I don't want to be a professional writer anymore, but when I had that ambition, mine would have been to hide my identity to escape from people -- more so the people I knew personally -- realizing it was me and criticizing me based on my writing.
So I'm writing all of this now, and I'm just... me. (Granted, this isn't exactly a novel, but maybe that's a good thing.) And I guess all I'm hoping for is that eventually, with time, prayer, and a little work, the fear of failure and of judgment will be diminished.
"There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love."
--1 John 4:18 (The Message)
--Hebrews 11:1 (NKJV)
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